Me and my Torpe Best Friend

Back in grade school, i had this friend. this guy friend.

we were seatmates in fifth grade. he's smart, funny, honest...but also extremely torpe.

yes, torpe.


but we were buds. i know, it's unusual, since he's a guy, i'm a gal. but who cares? i never really liked being a girly-girl. i had girl friends, but i was always the boyish type (not lesbian, just boyish). i never liked gossip, and pink, and fancy stuff. i never liked oggling over cute guys or handsome professors. i liked music, and dance, and sports (although i've never played any REAL sport. hahaha. odd of me). i hung more often with boys. maybe because that's what i'm used to, being born to a family of three rough and ruddy brothers. i guess living with them toughened me up a bit.

so, like i was saying, i had a guy friend. we were close. we talked about everything. well, mostly, he talked about everything. i cant tell him everything, because if i did, i wasnt sure what's going to happen.

so, he told me everything. his problems, his insecurities, his crushes.

his crushes.

yeah. that's what i hated talking about the most. why? because I like him.

I. I. I.

do you see how painful it is for me to listen to his stories? gosh. but i kept my mouth shut. i just listened to him every single time. he even asked my to write poems for those girls. i was kinda good in poetry and cheesy stuff. i made love poems which he gave to those other girls. what he didnt know is that i was thinking of him the whole time i was writing those poems.

ang martir ko no?

well, anyway. he didnt end up with those girls. thankfully. good for me. i can keep him as my friend for longer. Yay.

and so the school year came and went.

Once, during valentines day, he came to school bearing gifts and flowers. I didnt know who he was going to give the flowers to. But i was praying my ass off that it was me. I know. Feeler ako. But who cares? I like him, and i was hoping he has grown to like me.

The whole day he had those flowers with him. Come lunch time, he still hasnt given the flowers. But there were times during the day, when we would come accross each other in the corridor. He looked like he was about to say something, but couldnt. Like he was lost for words. And there i was thinking, maybe, just maybe, he was gonna give the flowers and the gifts to me. But he never did. And so, our last period came. It was music with Sir D. It was the day of our guitar recital. I stayed behind because i had to fix my things first. Eveybody else had left the room. By the time i got out, i was stunned. My girl best friend was holding the flowers and the gifts.

Ouch.

My friend. One of the few girl friends i have.

I was hurt. MY friend. How stupid can i be? Maybe that's why he tried to talk to me in the corridor...to ask me to help him give the gifts to my friend. That's all i was to him. His wingman. Or wingwoman. Fuck. It was never me. Never.

Then the next day, i was approached by one of my gay friends. Te most chismoso among my friends. He told me that the flowers were never meant for my friend. It was all really meant for me. Me.

But i couldnt believe him. How could i? I would never let myself fall for that again. Never.

He told me the guy was just too torpe to confess to me that he liked me. And he specifically told me that his sources are sooo reliable.

I dont know the truth. And in fact, i dont think i want to know the truth.


Yesterday, i saw him. He was nice. We were civil. No more than old buds who shared a few classes together. and he was there...just standing there, silent. I kinda had a feeling we had the same unspoken thoughts running at the back of our minds, or was it just me?