I just wanna dance [Saliwan @ Sayaw Manila 10]

I realized something last week....ALL I WANNA DO IS DANCE.


January 25, 2014, Saliwan performed as a guest in UP Manila Indayog's Dance Concert: Sayaw Manila '10 - TenQ.

I danced with my fellow Saliwan members. And I just could not get over the exhilaration I felt while I was onstage. The euphoria, the high...it was priceless. I always want to feel that way. The adrenaline, the rush...the bass music felt like it's pumping the blood in my body. The rhythm keeping me in motion, no matter how heavy and tired I felt, I just kept going until the lights went out and the music has played it's final note.

Dancing felt great. And I always want to feel that way. Always.

Sometimes I feel like throwing everything, packing up my bags, and just live a care-free life as a dancer. I've thought of throwing everything---including four years of hard-earned college degree---just to live the life I've always wanted.


I know, I am not the best dancer. I have a lot to learn as a dancer. I am soooooo far from being a successful dancer in the industry. I know I could never make anything of myself as a dancer unless I throw everything. If I could, I definitely would. But the life I have now, I don't own it. I owe it to my parents. And I owe it to them not to waste away the years of hard work they have done for me in order for me to achieve a degree. They didnt do all the sacrifices they did so that I could throw everything away for dance.


So what must I do?


Make the best of every opportunity. Dance on the sidelines. Dance whenever possible. Because that's the only way I could stay alive...

Finally. Almost There.

Today was the last day of my hospital duty. YAY!!!!

These are my creative, Sablay, and Toga shots for graduation.

After two long, excruciating months of papers, six-AM-call-times, and nursing work, I AM DONE WITH MY HOSPITAL DUTY!!!!!

I know,  there is still a ton of work to do. But this is different! I singlehandedly went through my intensive hospital experience. Normally, students have partners in the wards they are assigned to. But my partner bailed on me and got married. HOW GREAT IS THAT?? But then again, nothing can ever stop me. Nothing could delay this long-time-coming end-of-hospital duties.

Four weeks of primary nursing. Done.

Two weeks of staff nursing. Done.

Two weeks of head nursing. Done.

Nothing is sweeter. :))

Stuck.

Im stuck. I have been for years now. It took one friend of mine who visited from Australia to make me realize that i havent changed a bit since we last saw each other some three years ago.

I didnt realize how much it would hurt to hear the words "hindi ka nagbabago". Sure. In one context, pwedeng positive yun. Pero im guilty of the negative. I look the same, i dress the same, i act the same, im still the same. Sa lahat ng magbabarkada nung high school, ako lang talaga ang walang pinagkaiba. I suddenly wondered if there's anything wrong with me. Am i really incapable of change? Am i such a coward? Problema ko kasi, i have this wall. I stick to what i know and never bother going out there. Out there in the world. Laptop ko lang ang kilala ko. No boys. No friends outside of school. When cheska asked what's new with me, i honestly had nothing to say. I ended up saying news about other people...but nothing about myself. Because there's literally nothing to say. 

What the actual fuck is wrong with me???

Someone tell me. 

Someone, please, fix me.